Why do we allow ourselves to break? How hard is it to believe we’re capable of great things? That we’re worthy of blessings? That we’re worthy of living?
I recently concluded a couple of talks for seminars and conferences this past month and have another one coming up this weekend.
It’s always a wonderful experience (and an honor) to be given a stage to speak and share my thoughts and learnings. At the rate I’m going with all my speaking engagements, it’s almost impossible to believe that I also have terrible stage fright, and would flee if given the opportunity to.
Every final minute before I get on stage, my hands turn ice cold and I blank out.
“This is just like how you go on and on talking about work to people in a bar. You could talk about work forever.” I hype myself up in hopes I get to shake off the feeling.
It’s funny how no matter how many times I try to make myself believe that I have control over something, I allow and unfortunately drown in self-doubt and get into panic attacks.
But no matter how much talking on stage scares me, I get up and do them anyway. No matter how scared I am of the things life may throw at me, I get up and LIVE. I get up and it doesn’t matter how long “getting up” actually takes, as long as I do.
We do the things that scare us because it is only in these risks where we feel most alive. It is only with risks where we can truly reap the most rewards. Knowing these risks exist and acknowledging our bravery to face them makes us all the more WORTHY.
We pray and leave our fears up to the Lord, but we have to be the one to get up and do something about it.
No amount of self-improvement makes up for lack of self-awareness
A month ago I had a casual conversation with a friend about depression and anxieties. “Is that a real thing?”, he asked innocuously. I took it as a chance to share my thoughts on mental health, and my experiences. I have found it great to share as much as I could to try and beat the stigma. The other day, he sent over the most heartwarming message to a group chat:
He listened because I was family. It’s wonderful to be loved and valued as our most honest, flawed and vulnerable selves.
In the past months following my breakdown, I have gained new friends that have allowed me to be completely myself. We’d laugh at our little mistakes and insecurities and, more importantly, we’d pray for each other. We give each other attention, not for the sake of PR, personal gain or because we also seek validation for ourselves, but because we truly want to connect.
We deserve to surround ourselves with people that value our presence and see our flaws as opportunities for our growth. In turn, we must value others just the same.
Focus on improving rather than proving
We often forget of the blessings we’ve been given because of our fears. This irrational fear stems from our desire to prove our worthiness. And in our desire to prove, we tend to quiver at the opportunity of a great stage and fold into self-doubt.
Do we really want to be living for other people’s skewed definition of our worth? Give yourself a little more compassion and surround yourself with people that are just as truthful and compassionate with themselves.
We are GREAT and capable of even greater things. One of my favorite Chance the Rapper songs reminds me that we’re always worthy of blessings, the question is if we’re READY to receive them.
So, are you ready for your blessings? Are you ready for your miracle?
One response to “Forget your blessings and forget your worth”
You’re not the only one. Thank you for sharing your energy, knowledge and for being a ball of inspiration not just with us but also to many more women (and men), Cat. c”, rooting for you and hopefully, we get to do more great things, together! 🙂