A few months back, I received a message from an Instagram follower asking for relationship advice. More than anything I was actually pretty surprised with this cause the questions I usually get over Instagram are about make-up or career advice.
Relationship advice from “the most single person in the planet” (dubbed this 2017 by friend I shall also keep anonymous) can be like the blind leading the blind… but THANK YOU to everyone who has trusted me enough on matters of the heart.
2017 has been quite a year for me — filled to the brim with giddy first hellos and painful
goodbyes mysterious disappearances. (Someone, hold my tea as I play Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” aloud for the 1000th time.)
But I see where she’s coming from. Solely based on my social media accounts, it seems as if I live the ultimate single and fiercely independent millennial lifestyle with the travels and the dream job of being able to devour countless Chickenjoy and Jolly Spaghetti for free. This is how we want to be perceived: #goals. But if there’s anything worth learning from this rant is that recognizing our own vulnerabilities and making sure that in this cruel, cruel world (specifically, in today’s unfortunate dating norm), we’re not alone.
Here’s her message:
This was my reply:
The truth is, there will really be days these concerns of love and being single will bother us and even consume us. Perfectly normal. Some can even say it’s petty or shallow but you have to allow yourself to feel it and understand why you’re feeling that way. The best way to get through a problem is to face it.
Sometimes, we think we feel bad about failed relationships or almost relationships because we love ourselves less or because we need companionship. No. There are people that will make us feel undeserving to be taken seriously and can even get us to doubt ourselves. Sometimes you don’t even see it coming cause you think they’re “nice”.
There are people — not just guys — who also don’t know what they want and, inevitably, hurt others in the process.
I’m sure you’ve heard many times that whoever that guy is, does not deserve your love or attention for making you feel that way. I don’t know you very well but I know for sure that no one deserves that. No one deserves to be led on or “loved” out of convenience.
What gets me through bad days is the thought that everything and everyone we meet — douche or not — is a lesson. It’s a lesson on vulnerability, on life, on everything!
We learn what we want and what we don’t want (in this cruel, often heartbreaking process of growing up). And the best part about this is that when we do find that someone who deserves us, it’s beyond perfect. Until then, we meet a few ugly personalities.
But keep your head high, do things you’re afraid to do alone. Go out with your bestfriend! Do everything that will make you a better person, someone you will be proud of. 🙂
Yes, be careful, but never be afraid to love. Just because people have treated you unfairly doesn’t mean others deserve that from you too.
I think what frightens us the most is when we doubt ourselves and when we feel alone. But it’s only temporary! It’s something that I constantly have to remind myself, too. There is also challenge in getting back up and out there and trusting people again, but that’s how it is with everything. We HAVE to learn from our mistakes.
I was so pleased when she told me she shared my advice with a friend going through a similar rough patch:
SIDE NOTE: Gonna be very honest, medyo masakit yung “niloloko din siya ng ibang guys” na line! Shooketh!!!
But those photos she shared, the things she said about me, and even the fact that she came to me for advice in the first place — are all amazing signs that I must be doing something right in life. In love and in life, maybe 2017 was the fire we all needed to turn to steel and to become stronger versions of ourselves next year.