Like a knight in shining armor, you go on and on of the many plans to take me to wondrous escapes and new paradises as if I didn’t live in one already. As if I was stuck in a rut. As if I couldn’t do those things on my own.

Head above water, always.

But that’s exactly what you were afraid of. You were afraid of being with someone who you think wouldn’t depend on you and wouldn’t need you. You took two steps forward and started stepping back until you’ve completely distanced yourself from me because you confused my independence with indifference.

You are not unique. You are a standard, templated automatic reply from the Universe whenever I pray for something new and exciting. The face, the scent, the circumstances might differ, but you are all (unfortunately) one and the same. My eyes have learned not to sparkle for people like you who promise me the stars. One day, maybe I’ll learn to pray harder.

Here’s the thing. I need nothing but comfort and assurance. It’s a long and winding road to get to my goals and self-motivation gets tiring as hell. People will tell me to keep my head above water while pushing my shoulders down. So I succumb, dive in, hold my breath and hope that the sound of silence doesn’t turn me deaf. I am fluent in this silence, I will stay afloat.

But I will need a hand to hold and someone to be there with me to say, “I’ll stay here with you.”

xx C

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