We’ve told ourselves time and time again how love is so abstract and almost always irrational. But what defines love or the level of love we are in is dependent on how much we love ourselves.

You might say it’s selfish. For someone you imagine spending the rest of your life with, you’d think: what’s there to be rational about? You’d give your heart and soul, you’d give all of you.

The reason you love each other

“I love him because he loves me.”

You are not loved because you love your significant other. The very reason you are together is because you are yourself. You love this specific person because you see what makes this person unique. You do not love the person because he or she is completely obsessed with you. If that’s so, then I beg you to reconsider.

Always leave some love for yourself

Part of being yourself means leaving some love for yourself. Love never hinders but always uplifts, does not judge but encourages, and should never make you feel less the person you were before. When you change when in love, you change for the better. You change because you want to be the best person you can be for your significant other. There is a life outside the relationship and respect begins with you being yourself and the other being himself/herself. It’s never about pushing or pulling each other, and most definitely never about sacrificing your hopes and dreams. Love is not about looking eye to eye, but looking in the same direction. You want success, you want a beautiful future? You have to start leaving some love for you.

Your heart is not made for devotion to another human being. You are what you love and what you love makes you different. Once you forget all the other parts of yourself and throw it in the back seat, you start to lose the reason you are loved.

Love is a decision

This is probably the most thought-provoking concept of love. I’ve learned today that love is not just a feeling but a decision. And sometimes these decisions have a lot to do with taking time off and figuring out not what’s wrong or right, but what’s best for each other. The cliche “I need to find myself” is over-said but misunderstood for what it really is. “I need to find myself” is about someone bravely taking a stand and admitting that they are not who they used to be. When you realize that, trust it. When you hear it, respect it.

Being in love should never mean loving your self LESS. The world is full of narcissistic individuals who will take advantage of self-depreciating romantics… you should never be on either end. Remember who you are, remember your worth and then can you decide when you should love another again.